This is my story of how overcame the battle with the mirror. My skin story starts as most do,that lovely visitor called puberty. Ever since a certain time,I've felt my skin was "out of whack". It was sensitive,but with acne. I tried everything in the commercials : Clean & Clear, Neutrogena, Clearasil, etc. Their advertisements showed me girls my age with smiling faces and clear skin,telling me all I had to do was banish oil. I willingly spent my part time job money on Oxy Pads and Biore Nose Strips...but I had yet to find the desired result I was promised. I was still oily,using the alcohol, benzoyl peroxide, salycilic acid had made my skin red and irritated. Somehow I was very tight with oil on top. I told myself this would go away once my acne
stopped. I guess I thought it would be like a switch,I would find the magic secret. My acne would stop,and then I could take care of the redness and irritation...but right now I wanted to be pimple free. I thought I needed something stronger...hooked like a drug addict! I just had to go that tiny step further,and my beautiful skin would arrive!
That is when Proactiv stepped into my life. This was different or so they said. You cant just buy this in any store! This is the big guns! I needed it. I used the green bottles religiously. Sure,they burned a bit and my skin felt tight but that probably just means its doing its job. "This stuff must be good if you can FEEL it working." I thought to myself. Sure,it bleached my towels,pillowcases,and shirts, but I would do anything to achieve my beauty goal. I ignored these warning signs. I told myself my skin was different, It needed drastic measures. I saw some improvement with the Proactiv, but it stopped after awhile. My skin was still oily
and it was even more red. My loving Polish grandma would hold my chin and say "What is this on your face? Don't you wash it?" and my Dad would tell me to put hydrogen peroxide on it. My mom would tell me "You are beautiful just as you are,but if it gets really bad you can pop it with a sewing needle." Thanks parents,first the faulty acne genes,and now this stellar advice.
When I was 18,I went to the doctor for a yearly check up,after awhile he said.."and I assume you want to ask me about acne medications.." I took his referral for a dermatologist. I was trying so hard,but everyone was still looking at my acne. I wore lots of bright flashy eye make up,and layers upon layers
of foundations and concealers. Naively thinking people would be distracted. When I finally got in to see the dermatologist,he recommended I use too different creams. Diffirin in the morning,Clindoxyl at night. Just Cetaphil to wash,and no moisturiser. I was willing to do anything,and I got down to brass tax.
"When can I expect to have totally clear skin?" I asked him.
He told me,"If you use these creams for five years, you will have clear skin." I was happy to have finally found the solution.My acne did clear up. My linens continued to be covered in bleach marks ,but I had a routine,and it seemed to be working. My acne was at bay,my skin was still oily and tight. My skin was getting paler and paler,but my doctor told me it was a good thing,that it made the scars less noticeable. As I went through university my skin was pale but clear. I continued to use my creams keeping the five year mark in mind. I didn't want it creeping back up on me. A doctor had told me this was the right thing to be doing,and I trusted him.
It wasn't until I went to Esthetics school when I needed to get many skin treatments done on a daily basis. It was too much for my skin. My teacher recommended I stop using my medicated acne creams. I was scared,but she told me she saw no visible pimples on my skin. I was amazed that she was right. I had been treating my skin as acneic for so long,it hadn't even occurred to me that it might have changed. Acne was no longer the defining quality of my skin. I stopped using my medicated creams,and although I got the odd pimple. It wasn't horrible. I learned at school that skin is suppose to have a thin protective layer of oil. I had been removing any and all oil from my face,causing my skin to pump out more! And all the creams were so drying I was completely dehydrated and lacking water.
After graduating I got a job at a natural skin care spa. Everything started to make sense. I learned to balance what goes into my body (food wise) with what goes on my body (product wise). They encouraged me to put oil on my face,one that would be suitable for acne.I started using water based serums to help my skin rehydrate. And it was like the clouds opened up and my skin found Balance. I tried using products for my sensitive skin and it wasn't red and oily any more. I don't think my skin ever was oily in its natural state. It was just a symptom of too harsh of products. I started with light lotions,and worked my way up to rich creams. I stopped using stripping cleansers. I even stopped washing my face in the morning. Which I never would have dared do before!
The truth is I still get a nasty pimple every once in a blue mood. Hormones suck and I like cheese. But that doesn't define my skin or me.Looking back,I realize I should have payed more attention to the signals my body was giving me. I didn't then, but I sure am now. I notice my skin is absorbing products,it doesn't burn or tingle. It feels soothed and soft,not tight at all.My skin looks plumper and my acne scars have completely faded from their former red tone. This is how my skin has supposed to have been this whole time. This is how it wanted to be in its natural state.
I have no idea why it took me so long to figure out those smiling girls in commercials don't have the answer.Looking back it doesn't seem that unsurprising that the people who want me to continue to buy their products don't actually have my health in mind. The beauty industry relies on us to have low self esteem to keep them in business. From now on,nobody can tell me what is right for my skin,besides my own skin!
